ZOMBIE MOMMY
June 28th, 2011
"Am I ever going to sleep again...."
Dearest Mommies and future Mommies, new and old, and everywhere….
Girls, I know how hard it can be, but it just takes some time to adjust. I mean, you’ve lived your whole life with your own needs first (for the most part), and sometimes it’s hard just being responsible and taking care of ourselves! And then all of a sudden, this little, weird, crying, pooping creature, flashing what looks like gang signs at you with their tiny little hands and fingers appears out of nowhere and now you’re thinking ‘What the heck now?!’
The last blogger had some great advice…you HAVE to make yourself get out of the house….you HAVE to wash AND blow-out your hair so it looks cute…you HAVE to put on make-up….and you HAVE to exercise. And I don’t want to hear that ‘I have to put my baby first and it would be selfish of me to do those things for myself’ crap! NO NO NO! You HAVE to do those things to be a better, calmer, more content Mother. And your baby will pick up on your crankiness, stress and impatience if you don’t. And not just babies, all kids do…they’re scary smart little poop pants!
You have to take care of yourself so you can take care of your family. You also need to start leaving your baby with trusted sitters or family or friends for short periods at first, and then eventually over night. This is good for the baby and good for you. I absolutely cringe when I hear about parents that have 5 or 6 year olds, and even OLDER, and have NEVER left them overnight, and have NEVER gone on a vacation…that’s just wrong! You and your husband are still man and wife, NOT just Mommy and Daddy…and if you’re single, you’re still a beautiful woman with wants and needs that can’t be met by your children alone. Also what makes this situation even worse, by the time the parents want to leave their children or go on a couple’s vacation, or friends start asking your children on sleepovers, it is very, very traumatic for you child to be without you. You are actually doing your child more harm than good.
Girls, I know how hard it can be, but it just takes some time to adjust. I mean, you’ve lived your whole life with your own needs first (for the most part), and sometimes it’s hard just being responsible and taking care of ourselves! And then all of a sudden, this little, weird, crying, pooping creature, flashing what looks like gang signs at you with their tiny little hands and fingers appears out of nowhere and now you’re thinking ‘What the heck now?!’
The last blogger had some great advice…you HAVE to make yourself get out of the house….you HAVE to wash AND blow-out your hair so it looks cute…you HAVE to put on make-up….and you HAVE to exercise. And I don’t want to hear that ‘I have to put my baby first and it would be selfish of me to do those things for myself’ crap! NO NO NO! You HAVE to do those things to be a better, calmer, more content Mother. And your baby will pick up on your crankiness, stress and impatience if you don’t. And not just babies, all kids do…they’re scary smart little poop pants!
You have to take care of yourself so you can take care of your family. You also need to start leaving your baby with trusted sitters or family or friends for short periods at first, and then eventually over night. This is good for the baby and good for you. I absolutely cringe when I hear about parents that have 5 or 6 year olds, and even OLDER, and have NEVER left them overnight, and have NEVER gone on a vacation…that’s just wrong! You and your husband are still man and wife, NOT just Mommy and Daddy…and if you’re single, you’re still a beautiful woman with wants and needs that can’t be met by your children alone. Also what makes this situation even worse, by the time the parents want to leave their children or go on a couple’s vacation, or friends start asking your children on sleepovers, it is very, very traumatic for you child to be without you. You are actually doing your child more harm than good.
You have to learn to be creative with your time. Now I have to admit that I’m a napper, so when the babies went down, Mommy went down. And you really do need to get this rest especially the first few months. But after the baby starts sleeping through the night better, and you are getting more restful sleep, maybe then you could get some things done while baby is napping.
I have found that you can do almost anything while holding a baby in one arm, I’m serious…you can vacuum, you can load the dishwasher, you can even use the bathroom;)…I did it ALL the time) Also, don’t forget you don’t have to carry your baby around everywhere…there are so many excellent rockers, vibrating rockers, swings, bouncers, super saucers, etc. out there.
I have found that you can do almost anything while holding a baby in one arm, I’m serious…you can vacuum, you can load the dishwasher, you can even use the bathroom;)…I did it ALL the time) Also, don’t forget you don’t have to carry your baby around everywhere…there are so many excellent rockers, vibrating rockers, swings, bouncers, super saucers, etc. out there.
And I know this may sound cheesy and old-fashioned, but still try to look sexy for your husband, and mostly for yourself. I’m a big procrastinator, so I’ll practically wait till I have only 1 hour until my husband gets home from work, and then I frantically either wash or use dry shampoo (Psssssst dry shampoo is the BEST ever), put at least enough cover-up on to cover up my zits,a little mascara, put some perfume on, make sure my arm-pits don’t stink, put on something, anything, besides his pajama pants and x-large t-shirt with the hole in it that I’ve had on ALL day long, and last but not least, hide all the laundry in a closet where he will never look, and then just take care of it tomorrow!:) Greet him at the door with a kiss, and maybe, just maybe, he’ll be so impressed and in love with his beautiful wife and mother of his beautiful child, that he’ll say ‘Here honey, let me take the baby, why don’t you go for a run or take a hot bath’. And if he doesn’t offer, then you make the suggestion yourself! And remember always, your husband is NOT a babysitter! Biggest pet peeve ever!!! I abhor when men say ‘Oh is your husband babysitting for you today?’ I’m like ‘NO, my husband is the Father, NOT the babysitter!
In summary….
5 things you can do right away to feel more like your old self, and not a pale, catatonic Mommy Zombie….
1. Exercise, preferably outdoors…baby joggers are heaven, I had a double one so I could put both babies in it and just run to my heart’s content. They loved it…I did this from about 6 wks old to 4 or 5 yrs old. Incredible work-out, especially pushing that thing up hills. I think I was in the best shape of my life!;) Or, do a workout video (preferably a cardio/strength training combination to get the most bang for your buck. But even if you choose to work out indoors, you should still take your baby on a walk every single day…its therapeutic for them and for you.
2. Try to shower, fix your hair, put on make-up and put on something that doesn’t make you feel fat every single day. If your clothes are too tight, BUY new ones until you lose your baby weight (WHICH YOU WILL IF AND ONLY IF YOU TRY!) Don’t buy into this ‘oh it will fall off on it’s own when it’s ready’…HA!…ya it will fall off your boobs and land on your stomach and ass! And ladies, don’t get me wrong, I’m not asking for beauty contestants here….the test that I like to use…if I feel comfortable enough to walk down my driveway (during the daylight) to get the mail and possibly run into a neighbor without the need to try and run and hide because of my hideous appearance…well then, I pass the husband test!
3. GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! Be forewarned though, depending on your personality, and I KNOW mine, getting out of the house sometimes = spending money…be wary of this trap. If you know you can’t handle walking by the shoe department in your favorite store, and you know the shoes will tease you and taunt you mercilessly (like they ALWAYS do to me, those mean ole’ shoes!)…if this is the case, DON’T go anywhere near them! Go work-out, take a walk, go visit a friend, set up a play date, surprise your husband at work for a quick kiss, lay outside on a big, fluffy blanket on a beautiful spring or fall day with your baby and read (that was one of my all time favorite things to do, and I still do it with my 9 and 11 year old.
4. Stay in touch with your friends! And find new friends! This is one of the hardest things for Moms to do especially as your kids get older and have more activities. But you need the camaraderie, the kindred souls, the women that are struggling like you, or that just need someone to talk to. Get together with the kids…and then get the Dads to babysit (ha-ha JUST KIDDING;)the kids so you can have a girls night with a few cocktails and have some adult conversation where you are not having to spell every other word! You need Mommy friends, you can still be very very close to non-Mommy friends, but there will be things that they won’t have the ability to understand or empathize yet.
5. DON’T FORGET YOUR HUSBAND! They can sometimes feel neglected when there’s a new baby, or just kids in general. I’m guilty! I kiss on my kids and hug them and hold them and give them infinite affection and am constantly worried ‘Am I spending enough time with them? Am I spending enough ‘quality’ time with them? Are they happy? Are they sad?…and on and on. Well, our husbands need our attention and affection too, they need our touch and our love and affection just as much as our children do. Three of a man’s greatest needs is to feel needed, appreciated, and respected. We need to concentrate on those every day…and remember not to blow them off or act like they don’t know what they’re talking about…especially in front of the kids. We can’t back track their authority (we can discuss it later in private of course). We should find new ways every day, as small and insignificant as they may be, to show the man in our life how much we appreciate, respect and love him.
Well, I hope this helps and eases some of your anxieties and concerns. Just remember, there’s no ‘How-to’ book…and we’re all treading through the treacherous waves of parenthood the best we know how.
In summary….
5 things you can do right away to feel more like your old self, and not a pale, catatonic Mommy Zombie….
1. Exercise, preferably outdoors…baby joggers are heaven, I had a double one so I could put both babies in it and just run to my heart’s content. They loved it…I did this from about 6 wks old to 4 or 5 yrs old. Incredible work-out, especially pushing that thing up hills. I think I was in the best shape of my life!;) Or, do a workout video (preferably a cardio/strength training combination to get the most bang for your buck. But even if you choose to work out indoors, you should still take your baby on a walk every single day…its therapeutic for them and for you.
2. Try to shower, fix your hair, put on make-up and put on something that doesn’t make you feel fat every single day. If your clothes are too tight, BUY new ones until you lose your baby weight (WHICH YOU WILL IF AND ONLY IF YOU TRY!) Don’t buy into this ‘oh it will fall off on it’s own when it’s ready’…HA!…ya it will fall off your boobs and land on your stomach and ass! And ladies, don’t get me wrong, I’m not asking for beauty contestants here….the test that I like to use…if I feel comfortable enough to walk down my driveway (during the daylight) to get the mail and possibly run into a neighbor without the need to try and run and hide because of my hideous appearance…well then, I pass the husband test!
3. GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! Be forewarned though, depending on your personality, and I KNOW mine, getting out of the house sometimes = spending money…be wary of this trap. If you know you can’t handle walking by the shoe department in your favorite store, and you know the shoes will tease you and taunt you mercilessly (like they ALWAYS do to me, those mean ole’ shoes!)…if this is the case, DON’T go anywhere near them! Go work-out, take a walk, go visit a friend, set up a play date, surprise your husband at work for a quick kiss, lay outside on a big, fluffy blanket on a beautiful spring or fall day with your baby and read (that was one of my all time favorite things to do, and I still do it with my 9 and 11 year old.
4. Stay in touch with your friends! And find new friends! This is one of the hardest things for Moms to do especially as your kids get older and have more activities. But you need the camaraderie, the kindred souls, the women that are struggling like you, or that just need someone to talk to. Get together with the kids…and then get the Dads to babysit (ha-ha JUST KIDDING;)the kids so you can have a girls night with a few cocktails and have some adult conversation where you are not having to spell every other word! You need Mommy friends, you can still be very very close to non-Mommy friends, but there will be things that they won’t have the ability to understand or empathize yet.
5. DON’T FORGET YOUR HUSBAND! They can sometimes feel neglected when there’s a new baby, or just kids in general. I’m guilty! I kiss on my kids and hug them and hold them and give them infinite affection and am constantly worried ‘Am I spending enough time with them? Am I spending enough ‘quality’ time with them? Are they happy? Are they sad?…and on and on. Well, our husbands need our attention and affection too, they need our touch and our love and affection just as much as our children do. Three of a man’s greatest needs is to feel needed, appreciated, and respected. We need to concentrate on those every day…and remember not to blow them off or act like they don’t know what they’re talking about…especially in front of the kids. We can’t back track their authority (we can discuss it later in private of course). We should find new ways every day, as small and insignificant as they may be, to show the man in our life how much we appreciate, respect and love him.
Well, I hope this helps and eases some of your anxieties and concerns. Just remember, there’s no ‘How-to’ book…and we’re all treading through the treacherous waves of parenthood the best we know how.
Please give me updates on your little ones, how old they are…and especially how your coping. And if you have any questions or just need to vent, and find out if your ‘normal’ or not….please don’t hesitate to ask:) But I can already tell you this much…if you have a child, you’re NOT ‘normal’ and luckily, will NEVER be normal again:)
Much love and few tantrums;),
Mama AJ
Much love and few tantrums;),
Mama AJ
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